• Goodreads
• Audio book
• AF Wiki

My Notes

Why is it that a request stated in a certain way will be rejected, while a request that asks for the same favor in a slightly different fashion will be successful?

Those who don’t know how to get people to say yes soon fall away; those who do, stay and flourish.

6 Principles:

1. Consistency
2. Reciprocation
3. Social Proof
4. Authority
5. Liking
6. Scarcity

---

#1 Weapons of Influence

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -Albert Einstein

Expensive = Good Ask a favor Contract principle

When we ask someone to do us a favor we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.

There is a principle in human perception, the contract principle, that affects the way we see the difference between two things that are presented one after another. If the second item is fairly different from the first, we will tend to see it as more different than it actually is. So if we life a light object first and then life a heavy object, we will estimate the second object to be heavier than if we had lifted it without first trying the light one.

Clothing stores instruct their sales personnel to sell the costly item first. Sell the suit first, because when it comes time to look at sweaters, even expensive ones, their prices will not seem as high in comparison. It is much more profitable for salespeople to present the expensive item first.

Start with a couple of undesirable houses. The house I got them into looks really great after they’ve first looked at a couple of dumps.

The trick is to bring up the extras independently of one another, so that each small price will seem petty when compared to the already-determined much larger one.

---

#2 Reciprocation

Pay every debt as if God wrote the bill.

We should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.

We are obligated to the future repayment of favors, gifts, invitations, and the like.

People are more willing to do a favor for someone they like.

However, for those who owed him a favor, it make no difference whether they liked him or not; they felt a sense of obligation to repay him, and they did.

People we might ordinarily dislike can greatly increase the chance that we will do what they wish merely by providing us with a small favor prior to their request.

Another person can trigger a feeling of indebtedness by doing us an uninvited favor.

There is a strong cultural pressure to reciprocate a gift, even an unwanted one but there is no such pressure to purchase an unwanted commercial product.

A small initial favor can produce a sense of obligation to agree to a substantially larger return favor.

Unpleasant character of the feeling of indebtedness. Most of us find it highly disagreeable to be in a state of obligation. It weighs heavily on us and demands to be removed.

We may be willing to agree to perform a larger favor than we received, merely to relieve ourselves of the psychological burden of debt.

Make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us. His request that I purchase some one-dollar chocolate bars had been put in the form of a concession on his part; it was presented as a retreat from his request that I buy some five-dollar tickets. When he changed from a larger to a smaller request, even though I was not really interested in either of the things he offered.

It is possible to use an initial concession as part of a highly effective compliance technique: rejection-then-retreat technique. One way to increase your chances would be first to make a larger request of me, one that I will most likely turn down. Then, after I have refused, you would make the smaller request that you were really interested in all along. Provided that you have structured skillfully, I should view your second request as a concession to me and should feel inclined to respond with a concession of my own.

The second request did not actually have to be small; it only had to be smaller that the initial one.

---

#3 Commitment and Consistency

“It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.” -Leonardo Da Vinci

Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment.

We all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done and decided.

The desire for consistency as a central motivator of our behavior. The drive to be and look consistent constitutes a highly potent weapon of social influence.

If I can get you to make a commitment (take a stand’ to go on the record), I will have set the stage for your automatic, and ill-considered consistency with that earlier committment. Once a stand is taken, there is a natural tendency to behave in ways that are stubbornly consistent with the stand.

The strategy for salespeople is to obtain a large purchase by starting with a small one. Almost any small sale will do, because the purpose of that small transaction is not profit; it is commitment.

Public commitments tend to be lasting commitments. Whenever one takes a stand that is visible to others, there arises a drive to maintain that stand in order to look like a consistent person. The more public a stand, the more reluctant we will be to change it.

---

#4 Social Proof

One method we use to determine what is correct is to find out what other people think is correct.

Bartenders often “salt” their tip jars with a few dollar bills at the beginning of the evening to simulate tips left by prior customers and thereby give the impression that tipping with folding money is proper barroom behavior.

Advertisers love to inform us when a product is the “fastest growing” or “largest-selling” because then don’t have to convince us directly that the product is good, they need only say that many others think so, when seems proof enough.

95% of people are imitators, and only 5% are initiators.

The principle of social proof works best when the proof is provided by the actions of a LOT of other people.

When people are uncertain they are more likely to use others’ actions to decide how they themselves should act.

We will use the actions of others to decide on proper behavior for ourselves, especially when we view those others as similar to ourselves.

---

#5 Liking

The main work of a trial attorney is to make a jury like his client.

We most prefer to say yes to the requests of someone we know and like.

The attraction, the warmth, the security, and the obligation of friendship are brought to bear on the sales meeting.

The friend doesn’t even have to be present to be effective; often just the mention of the friend’s name is often enough.

Calling on a prospect and being able to say that Mr. so-and-so, and friend of his, felt he would benefit by giving you a few moments of his time is virtually as good as a sale 50% made before you enter.

First, they get us to like them.

Physical Attractiveness

There seems to be a click, whirr response to attractive people. Research has found that we automatically assign to good-looking individuals such favorable traits as talent, kindness, honesty and intelligence. Good grooming of applicants in a simulated employment interview accounted for more favorable hiring decisions than did job qualifications.

Both male and female jurors exhibited the attractiveness-based favoritism.

It is apparent that good-looking people enjoy an enormous social advnatage in our culture.

Similarity

We like people who are similar to us, whether it is in the area of opinions, personality traits, background or life-style. Dress is a good example; as is age, religion, politics and cigar-smoking habits.

“Mirror and match” the customer’s body posture, mood and very style.

Compliments

We are phenominal suckers for flattery.

The evaluator who provided only praise was liked best. Pure praise did not have to be accurate to work.

Contact and Cooperation

We like things that are familiar to us.

Our attitude towards something has been influenced by the number of times we have been exposed to it in the past.

Competition has its place; it can serve as a valuable motivator of desirable action and an important builder of self-concept.

Conditioning and Association

The nature of bad news infects the teller. There is a natural human tendency to dislike a person who brings us unpleasant information, even when that person did not cause the bad news. The simple association with it is enough to stimulate our dislike.

An innocent association with either bad things or good things will influence how people feel about us.

We are known by the company we kept. People do assume that we have the same personality traits as our friends.

The important thing for the advertiser is to establish the connection; it doesn’t have to be a logical one, just a positive one.

during fund raisers, the appeals for further contributions and heightened effort never come before the meal is served, only during or after.

They should connect themselves to good news but not bad news.

All things being equal, you root for your own sex, your own culture, your own locality etc.

---

#6 Authority

A deep-seated sense of duty to authority within us all.

Extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority.

The sheer strength of authority pressures in controlling our behavior.

The appearance of authority was enough.

Con artists, for example, drape themselves with the titles, clothes, and trappings of authority. They love nothing more than to emerge elegantly dressed from a fine automobile and to introduce themselves to their prospective “mark”.

Clothes

A kind of authority symbol that can trigger our mechanical compliance is clothing.

A traditional authority status in our culture: a well-tailored business suit.

Finely styled and expensive clothes carry an aura of status and position, as do trappings such as jewelry and cars.

Owners of prestige autos receive a special kind of deference from us.

---

#7 Scarcity

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

The idea of potential loss play a large role in human decision making. In fact, people seem to be more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value.

Scarcity principle occurs in the “limited number” tactic.

The idea is to dangle a carrot in front of the buyer’s face and then take it away.

When an item becomes less available, we experience an increased desire for it.

The drop from abundance to scarcity produced a decidedly more positive reaction than did constant scarcity. People see a thing as more desirable when it has recently become less available than when it has been scarce all along.

The importance of competition in the pursuit of limited resources. Not only do we want the same item more when it is scarce, we want it most when we are in competition for it.

Bonus: The Six Principles Of Influence

Read Robert Cialdini’s article The Science of Persuasion PDF {.is-info}

 Influence — The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini BOOK Influence, the classic book on persuasion, has sold over three million copies and has been translated into thirty languages. It has been listed on the New York Times Best Seller list and Fortune lists it in their “75 Smartest Business Books”. It has been mentioned in 50 Psychology Classics. {.is-info}

This book explains the psychology of why people say “yes” — and how to apply these understandings. Dr. Robert Cialdini is the expert in the field of influence and persuasion. His thirty-five years of rigorous, evidence-based research along with a three-year program of study on what moves people to change behavior has resulted in this highly acclaimed book.

1: Reciprocity

• This rule states that “…we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.”

When a friend gives you a favor, somehow, you feel the need to repay that debt, when he asks for a favor in return.

When the Disabled American Veterans organization mails out requests for contributions, the appeal succeeds only about 18 percent of the time. But when the mailing includes a set of free personalized address labels, the success rate almost doubles, to 35 percent. To understand the effect of the unsolicited gift, we must recognize the reach and power of an essential rule of human conduct: the code of reciprocity.

This principle is simple: when someone does something for you, you feel a strong urge to return the favor. This concept has been widely exploited in marketing, as seen in tactics like free samples.

For instance, Amway grew tremendously by giving away free product samples to its potential customers. This strategy taps into the cultural and religious norm of the “golden rule,” creating an obligation for the receiver to reciprocate.

The Hare Krishna Society’s airport flower-giving strategy exemplifies this, where travelers feel compelled to donate after receiving a flower. However, reciprocation can lead to disproportionate exchanges, where a minor initial favor triggers an obligation for a much larger return.

Cialdini also discusses the “rejection-then-retreat” technique, where a high-end product is initially offered and, if refused, a cheaper alternative is presented. This approach often results in a sale due to the perceived concession by the seller, compelling the buyer to reciprocate.

To counter this technique, Cialdini suggests openly acknowledging the tactic and refusing to feel obligated to reciprocate, as this awareness helps resist the powerful influence of reciprocation.

Examples

• If someone buys you lunch, you feel obligated to buy them lunch next time.
• At the supermarket, or a warehouse club like Costco, “free” samples encourage the reciprocity rule when they make you buy something you wouldn’t have otherwise.
• For the ladies, if a guy takes you out to an expensive dinner, you feel obligated to go out with him again even though you weren’t that into him.

2: Commitment and Consistency

• People who take a decision are likely to stick with it, and defend it, even if it might not make a whole lot of sense to do so.

This principle is about our desire to be (and to appear) consistent with what we have already done. Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.

1998 Gordon Sinclair, the owner of a well-known Chicago restaurant, was struggling with a problem that afflicts all restaurateurs. Patrons frequently reserve a table but, without notice, fail to appear. Sinclair solved the problem by asking his receptionist to change two words of what she said to callers requesting reservations. The change dropped his no-call, no-show rate from 30 to 10 percent immediately. The two words were effective because they commissioned the force of another potent human motivation: the desire to be, and to appear, consistent.

The receptionist merely modified her request from “Please call if you have to change your plans” to “Will you please call if you have to change your plans?” At that point, she politely paused and waited for a response. The wait was pivotal because it induced customers to fill the pause with a public commitment. And public commitments, even seemingly minor ones, direct future action.

Consistency describes our tendency to honor our commitments, often to the point of acting against our best interest—a tendency marketers and salespeople exploit.

One example is toy manufacturers who manipulate parents during Christmas by advertising toys, understocking them, and then restocking them post-Christmas, prompting parents to buy twice. This tactic relies on parents wanting to be consistent with their initial promise to their children.

Similarly, sales techniques like the “foot-in-the-door” approach involve making a small sale to build towards a larger one, leveraging the customer’s desire for consistent behavior.

Charity solicitors often use subtle commitments, like getting a person to admit they’re doing well, making it harder for them to refuse a donation request. Similarly, having customers fill out order forms or write down goals increases their commitment and consistency.

In the car industry, the “lowball” tactic is common, where an attractive offer is later increased, relying on the customer’s commitment to the initial agreement. Cialdini advises questioning decisions by asking, “Would I make the same choice now with what I know?”

A question like this encourages making informed decisions rather than blindly following through on initial commitments, thereby using the power of consistency responsibly and to our own advantage.

Examples

• You tell everyone you’re running your 1st marathon in 3 months. The public announcement, or what I call “forced accountability,” will motivate you to be more consistent in your training so you hit your goal.

3: Social Proof / Validation

• Social proof is what a lot of us would refer to as peer pressure, but I think it’s closer to herd behavior.

Read Robert Greene’s TDL 07-07 - Appear to Be an Object of Desire PDF {.is-info}

This rule applies especially to the way we decide what constitutes correct behavior. We view a behavior as more correct in a given situation to the degree that we see others performing it. Basically, everyone else is doing it, so I’ll do it too.

Social proof is the idea that we follow the actions of others, assuming these actions are the correct ones. This tendency is used in various contexts, from canned laughter in TV shows to marketing strategies highlighting “best sellers” or bartenders salting their tip jars to encourage tipping.

Historically, social proof has always been influential, as seen in the 1820s with Sauton and Porcher’s business of providing paid applause at operas. Today, the most effective endorsements often come from ordinary people rather than celebrities, as they are more relatable. While social proof can be a helpful shortcut, being wary of manipulated evidence is crucial. Awareness of such manipulation empowers people to ignore or even oppose it.

Cialdini emphasizes the importance of not living on “autopilot” and suggests making conscious decisions to counteract misleading social proof. He advises being alert to counterfeit social evidence and acting against its exploitation, such as avoiding products with deceptive advertising.

Additionally, Cialdini warns against the infallibility of social proof. Considering the big picture, aligning social proof with objective facts, personal experiences, and intuition is essential. For example, drivers following others on highways can lead to accidents, demonstrating the potential negative consequences of social proof.

The best defense is to assess whether opinions are based on accurate data and to seek dissenting voices, reminding ourselves that influencers often highlight positive feedback while ignoring negative responses. Thus, considering all available evidence, a balanced view is crucial for sound decision-making.

Examples

• Salespeople love to tell their customers of their “most-popular” or “fastest-selling” product because they understand the power of social proof: “if this product is selling so much, it must be because it’s good.”
• You’re at a bar and your 4 friends order margaritas, so you do the same.
• You start wearing your jeans really low because all your friends are doing it.
• You laugh at a joke because your friends are laughing, but you don’t even get it.
• You see everyone else staring up at the sky, so you look up too (works every time).

4: Liking

• We prefer to say yes to the requests of people we know and like.

It’s easier to say “yes” to somebody we like and whom we can relate to. So a salesman, in order to increase his sales, and convert people from a “no” to a yes” — needs to gain the hearts of his prospects. And they do this by building rapport.

For twelve years straight, Joe Girard won the award of “#1 Car Salesman” by Guinness World Record. He averaged more than five vehicles sold everyday, making over USD200,000 per year.

His secret? “Finding the salesman they like, plus the price; put them both together, and you get a deal.”

The Tupperware party model exemplifies the principle of liking, where sales thrive on the product’s merits and the hostess’s social ties and likability. Tupperware’s success, achieving sales of $2.5 million daily without physical stores, hinges on leveraging social relationships and the principles of reciprocity, social proof, and commitment.

Likability influences even when the person is absent, as seen in referral-based sales, where rejecting the salesperson can feel like rejecting a friend. The factors contributing to likability include physical attractiveness, similarity, compliments, and association with positive or negative experiences.

A successful car salesman, Joe Girard, attributed his success to offering a fair price and being a likable salesperson. He maintained contact with customers through monthly greeting cards, reinforcing his likability. Cialdini points out that even though this approach may seem impersonal, it effectively harnesses the human tendency to respond positively to flattery and likability.

To resist being unduly influenced by likability, Cialdini advises recognizing when you like someone more than usual and separating the person’s likability from the product or service they offer. Instead, focus on the product’s merits rather than the appeal of the person selling it, as this approach helps to make decisions based on facts rather than emotions.

Factors that cause one person to like another person?

1. Physical Attractiveness. Whether it’s fair, just, proper, right or not, it is what it is. People tend to like those who are attractive, or at a minimum take care of themseleves (well groomed and well dressed). Studies show that attractive people receive more help from both opposite genders and people with the same gender. As awful as this sounds, you can use that to your benefit. By getting a fresh haircut, clean shave (or trim), wearing business clothing, smelling good, etc., you’re instantly making yourself more attractive and are more likely to get a “yes” rather than a “no.”

2. Similarity. We like people who are similar to us, whether it’s sharing opinions, personality traits, background, lifestyle, etc. A good example are the cliques that form in high school: athletes, nerds, band geeks, etc. — everyone found a group they associated with the most. And if you were a total social outcast, you probably associated with other outcasts. Remember, “people like like people.”

3. Compliments. We generally love getting compliments, even if they’re not true. Of course, YOU wouldn’t fall for it. I mean, you’re incredibly smart and fun to be around. Did I mention the fact that you’re insanely good-looking? Yes, YOU!!

4. Contact. We like things that are familiar to us. On the other hand, we often fear what we don’t know.

5. Cooperation. Cooperation works a little differently. We also like people who work with us, instead of against us. Working together towards a common goal and being “on the same side” are very powerful.

6. Conditioning & Association. The principle of Association is a general one, governing both negative and positive connections. An innocent association with either bad things or good things will influence how people feel about us.

“All things being equal, you root for your own sex, your own culture, your own locality…and what you want to prove is that YOU are better than the other person. Whomever you root for represents YOU; and when he wins, YOU win.” — Isaac Asimov {.is-info}

5: Authority

• People tend to follow authority figures. We are taught from a very young age that obedience to authority is right and disobedience is wrong.

In sales, being well groomed, wearing a suit, and having a nice breath isn’t only to get people to like us (Rule of Liking). It’s also to look like a figure of authority — a force to be reckoned with.

If you want to earn your prospect’s trust, you have to look and sound like you know what the hell you’re talking about — like somebody who’s qualified to give advice and suggestions.

From early on, people are conditioned to obey authority figures, such as parents, teachers, and religious leaders. While often helpful, this automatic obedience to authority can lead to mindless compliance, even when it might not be appropriate.

Cialdini highlights the influence of perceived authority in various contexts. For instance, doctors are often obeyed unquestioningly due to their expertise in health matters, which can sometimes lead to medical errors. Advertisers also exploit this by using actors who play doctors on TV, as seen in the successful Sanka coffee commercials featuring actor Robert Young.

Symbols of authority in modern society include titles (like doctor or professor), clothes (such as police uniforms or priests’ robes), and trappings (like expensive clothing or cars). These symbols can significantly influence how people react and make decisions.

To guard against the undue influence of authority, Cialdini advises skepticism and critical thinking. He suggests asking whether the authority is genuinely an expert and whether they have a hidden agenda or potential bias. This approach helps evaluate the credibility and impartiality of the information authority figures provide.

Cialdini also describes how authority can be subtly used in everyday situations, like dining out. He gives an example of waiters in high-end restaurants who use their perceived authority to recommend more expensive dishes, thereby increasing their tips.

By appearing to offer insider information and acting against their employer’s interests, waiters gain the trust of diners, leading to larger orders and higher tips. This tactic cleverly combines authority and reciprocity, illustrating how authority can be a potent tool in influencing behavior.

Examples

• Policemen, firemen, clergy, office managers, etc.
• Titles (PhD, Esq, MBA, etc.)
• The way people are dressed (Ex: 3-piece suit vs. tank top and board shorts). Con artists exploit this rule all the time, like Leonardo DiCaprio in “Catch Me If You Can.”
• In Advertising, we see this principle at play in celebrity endorsements.

6: Scarcity

• Opportunities seem more valuable to us when their availability is limited. Fans of behavioral economists may see how this ties into the concept of Loss Aversion — the fear of loss is always greater than the desire for gain.

Ahhh scarcity. Probably the most well-known and effective weapon of influence.

Have you ever wondered why fancy restaurants have such small plates? Shouldn’t you get a bigger plate especially when you pay more? Well, because of Scarcity, food actually tastes better when there isn’t so many bites to take from the meal. You savour it more and really put your palette to work when there’s only three bites to take from the meal.

Scarcity creates a sense of urgency and desire for an item, often leading to irrational decisions. Cialdini explains that the potential loss of an opportunity often motivates people more than the potential gain, a concept widely used in marketing and sales.

Scarcity can be created in various ways, such as emphasizing the rarity of an item, its limited availability, or unique flaws. Sales tactics often exploit scarcity, like an appliance salesman creating urgency by suggesting the last available model has just been sold. Customers, fearing the loss of the opportunity, are more inclined to commit to a purchase.

Deadline tactics are another common scarcity approach, creating a time-limited opportunity that prompts impulsive buying decisions. Cialdini also notes the ironic increase in the perceived value of items when they become scarce due to restrictions, such as the demand for phosphate-based cleaners in Dade County after they were banned.

To resist the influence of scarcity, Cialdini advises a two-stage approach. First, recognize the emotional arousal caused by scarcity and pause to regain a rational perspective. Second, question why you want the item. If it’s for ownership rather than utility, be cautious. Remember, an item’s functionality remains the same regardless of its scarcity.

Cialdini also explains how scarcity can be used effectively in sales, such as creating a competitive environment among potential buyers. However, he cautions against allowing our decision-making to be solely influenced by scarcity, as it can lead to mistakes when manipulated by others. In our fast-paced world, being aware of and resisting manipulative uses of scarcity is crucial for making sound decisions.

Examples

• Limited time offers — A certain product is in short supply that cannot be guaranteed to last long (like Missoni at Target several months ago or Tickle Me Elmo several years ago).
• Deadlines — An official time limit is placed on the customer’s opportunity to get the offer. Black Friday and Cyber Monday are great examples.
• Another variant of the deadline tactic is when you’re told that you have to buy NOW or the price will go up very soon (Ex: health club memberships, buying a car, etc.).

---

Back to Index of My Book Reviews