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My Notes

The one common denominator to all success and happiness is other people. If you learn how to deal with other people, you will gone 85% of the way down the road to success in any business.

Deal with people that will bring us personal satisfaction and at the same time not trample on other’s egos. It is the science of dealing with people in such a way that our egos and their egos remain intact.

The reason 90% of the people fail in life is a failure to deal successfully with people.

Your personality problems are your problems with other people. Their real problem is a human relations problem.

You cannot force people to like you.

The salesperson who enjoys the most success is not necessarily the one who is the most intelligent or the most skillful in the mechanics of his job. It is the one who has mastered the knack of dealing with people… a person who has a “way” with others.

As far as basic principles are concerned, people are all the same.

You cannot treat people as machines, as numbers, or as masses and get away with it.

Four facts of life:

1. We are all egotists.

2. We are more interested in ourselves than in anything else.

3. Every person you meet want to feel important and “to amount to something.”

4. There is a craving in everyone for the approval of others, so that he can approve of himself.

We now know, without a doubt, that the self-centered, egotistical person is not suffering from too much self-esteem; but too little. If you are on good terms with yourself, you are on good term with others.

Each person needs respect, approval, and a sense of accomplishment.

A starved ego is a mean ego.

When self-esteem is at a high level, people are easy to get along with.

You have to lower yourself to be petty.

To deal with the trouble caused by low self-esteem in others: help them like themselves better.

Two things about arrogant person: he needs desperately to to increase his own self-importance and is attempting to do by beating you down. Second, he is afraid.

Feed his hungry ego. Anyone is more agreeable, more understanding and more cooperative if you feed the ego with genuine compliments and real praise.

Form the habit of paying at least five sincere compliments each day. Help others like themselves better.

1st law of Human Relations: People act… or fail to act… largely to enhance their own egos.

The quickest way to improve your dealings with people is to begin giving away this wealth you possess (the ability to make others feel important). Give it away indiscriminately.

Courtesy and politeness are merely ways in which we acknowledge the importance of the other person. We need to feel that other people recognize and acknowledge our importance.

Our feelings about ourselves are, to a large part, reflections of the feelings other people seem to have about us.

You must recognize the other person.

Principles causes of dissatisfaction among employees are:

1. Failure to give credit for suggestions.
2. Failure to correct grievances.
3. Failure to encourage.
4. Criticizing employees in front of others.
5. Failure to ask employees their opinions.
6. Failure to inform employees of their progress.
7. Favoritism.

Four ways to make others feel important:

1. Think other people ARE important.

2. Notice people. When you are dealing with a group, try to acknowledge everyone in the group.

3. Don’t compete with people. If you want to make a good impression on others, the most effective way is to let them know that you are impressed by them.

4. Know when to correct others. Does it make any real difference whether they are right or wrong? Don’t try to win all the little battles.

Each of us i consistently influencing and controlling the actions and attitudes of those with whom we come in contact.

You have to have the attitude you want others to express. People react and respond in a like manner to the attitude and action expressed by others.

When you smile, they smile. When you find yourself in an explosive situation lower the tone of your voice and keep it soft.

Enthusiasm is cathing. You can never sell anything to anyone until you are sold on it yourself.

Confidence breeds confidence. You can give people confidence in you by acting confidently. By acting with supreme confidence, as if he expected the army to take commands from him, the soldiers marched back behind him.

Put some magnetism in your personality.

1. Watch your walk; your physical actions express your mental attitude. A confident person steps out boldly. Their shoulders are back, their eyes are looking out and up to a goal.

2. The firm handshake with just a little squeeze.

3. Moderate your tone of voice. We express ourselves through our voices more than in any other manner.

4. Use the magic switch of a smile. A real, sincere smile turns on a friendly feeling in others.

The only way to make people do better. Winston Churchill: “I have found that the best way to get another to acquire a virtue is to impute it to them.” Let others know that they can be trusted and they will be trustworthy.

Begin today to develop an enthusiastic, confident attitude and manner. Speak out. Watch your posture. Hold your head up. Walk with a confident step as though you had somewhere important to go.

Creating a good impression. Start a conversation on the same note on which you want it to end. They will act out their role in the stage setting that you create. Every time you have dealings with others, you are setting a stage. “What do I really want from this? What mood should prevail?” Then create the tone that will set the stage. The very first impression we give is apt to be a lasting impression.

Don’t knock the competition.

Put others in a “yes” mood by creating a positive and affirmative atmosphere. Post questions that set up the answer; “I believe you like this, don’t you?” Nod your head affirmatively.

Calmly assume that others will do what you want. Sound the keynote for the entire theme when you begin. Don’t try too hard to impress; let others know that they are making a good impression.

Attract people with Acceptance, Approval and Appreciation.

1. Acceptance. Accept people as they are; allow them to be themselves. Those who accept and like people, and accept them just as they are, have the most influence in changing others’ behaviour for the better.

2. Approval. Approval mean more than just tolerating faults, but also find something we can like about them. Seek things out; praise.

3. Appreciation. Emphasize their value in your mind. a. Don’t keep people waiting.

4. If there is someone you cannot see i

One thing successful people have in common is skill in using words.

Stop trying to be perfect.

Small talk isn’t supposed to be brilliant. Everyone is trite; everyone engages in small talk that doesn’t say anything clever or significant. Small talk is necessary to get the wheels of conversation turning. Realizing this, and not being afraid of being dull, will enable you to start a conversation even with a perfect stranger.

Warm up your subject.

Get people talking about themselves. If you can stimulate others to talk, you will acquire a reputation as a good conversationalist.

Ask questions to interest others. Keep the conversation steered to the other person’s interests by asking the questions: Why? Where? How?

Talk about yourself when you are invited and asked. Talk a little about yourself, but don’t overdo it. Another time when it is correct to bring yourself into the conversation is when you can tell the other person something about yourself that will tie into something they have said. “I agree with you; I like that too”. We like people who agree with us and dislike people who disagree. Always seek out points on which you can agree.

Use happy talk. Be positive, not pessimistic.

Overcome the temptation to tease and be sarcastic. They are both aimed at the self-esteem of others, and anything that threatens self-esteem is dangerous business.

Listening. To be able to listen to others in a sympathetic and understanding manner is perhaps the most effective mechanism in the world for getting along with people and tying up their friendship for good.

Listening makes you clever. Listen and pay attention to what they have to say.

People will tell you what they want it if you’ll listen. You must continually make appropriate responses. Good human relations is two-way communication: give and take; action and response.

Too much talk gives you away. Successful people encourage others to talk - and keep on talking - while keeping their own mouths shit.

Listening helps overcome self-consciousness. Listening carefully gets your focus of attention off yourself.

You must listen carefully, sympathetically and patiently.

7 Practices of Listening:

1. Look at the person who is talking.
2. Appear deeply interested.
3. Lean towards the person.
4. Ask questions.
5. Don’t interrupt; instead ask for more.
6. Stick to the speaker’s subject. 7,. Use the speaker’s words to get your point across.

Getting people to agree.

The only way to win an argument is to get others to change their minds.

Low pressure is the secret. You must learn to work with human nature rather than against it. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. There is only one way to get an idea accepted by the subconscious: by suggestion. Try to slip an idea into someone’s subconscious more or less unnoticed.

Rules for winning arguments:

1. Allow other to state their case. Don’t interrupt; remember to listen. Until they have said their piece, they are not tuned to listen to your ideas. Listen to theirs first.

2. Pause before you answer. Pause slightly before answering.

3. Don’t insist on winning 100%. Always concede something.

4. State your case moderately and accurately. Calmly stated facts are the most effective.

5. Speak through third parties. The argument is more convincing if disinterested third parties describe events.

6. Allow others to save face. Leave the door open so that others can escape from their previous position without losing face. “I felt the same way about it at first, until I ran across this information which changed the picture.”

Giving Praise

Praise releases energy. Praise gives us new energy and new life. People everywhere are hungry for praise and appreciation.

Give sincere praise to someone each day.

Be generous with kind statements.

1. Thanks should be sincere.

2. Don’t mumble it; speak up.

3. Thank people by name.

4. Look people when you thank them.

5. Work at thanking people.

6. Thank people when they least expect it.

7. Praise the act or the attribute rather than the person.

No one is perfect. There is good in everyone.

Criticising others without offending them.

1. Criticism must be made in absolute privacy.

2. Preface criticism with a kind word or compliment.

3. Make the criticism impersonal; criticize the act, not the person.

4. Supply the answer.

5. Ask for cooperation; don’t demand it.

6. One criticism to an offense.

7. Finish in a friendly fashion. “I know I can count on you.”

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